Cindy’s speech

Cut to woman with frosty champagne lipstick taking a photo, her fingernails also frosty. Cindy looks a little frazzled, maybe it’s the icy blue eyes. Her voice wavers, her lips are thin, her voice gets sharp when she mentions the federal government. Is that Barbara Bush they keep cutting to looking so frail in pearls? Cindy’s on drugs, I can see it. Somehow her face looks like it wants to fold in on itself. “Americans are the most generous people in history.” Oh really? Is that why we use, what, 90%? of all the world’s resources? Pocked veteran face. I do like shantung. Four strands of pearls. Pearls, ugh. Downers. I know it’s some kind of downers, or she’s drunk? The eyes look like she’s looking at death. I don’t feel like she’s speaking to me or us. Challengeses, she says. “These are perilous times.” “It’s a good idea to have a woman’s hand on the wheel as well.” Sarah stands up, looking healthy and voluptuous compared to CM. What is that funny little moaning sound. “Pistol-packing hockey mom” translates as Phallo-goddess of revenge?Viet(nasal) NAM she says not NAHM.The little military hats make them look like boyscouts or human roosters. “strap on his weapons” OK, I’m in some weird barbituate haze now watching this. They keep cutting to the token people of color in the audience, occasional Asians, but I have to say…no one looks like me, no big noses or frizzy hair, despite the earlier appearance of that weasel Lieberman. When CM introduced Bridget, who bit her lip and looked as radiant as she did frumpy, she made another one of those moue sounds… wait a minute, who are these exquisite Rwandans? Ernestine, what are you doing? I wonder, why did the sons have to drag Cindy out? She looked like she was going to fall over. What happened in the wings before she entered? What did she knock back? How can she say McC always speaks the truth when he lied to her about his age? Another moue. DON’T THINK ABOUT CINDY IN BED. DON’T EVEN GO THERE. She raaaaaaaadiates neuroses… Barbara Bush [edit: is this McCain’s mother?]claps once very softly and looks around her. Huh?

No, not Chuck Berry. No.

Sign: “Terrorists, Beware of Sarah. Ask Obama.”

Abe Lincoln lookalike.

Celebrate Good Times Come On.

I PUKE on your cowboy hats.

Cut to blonde yawning. No, you’re supposed to clap on the backbeat.

Sarah seems to be burping Trig. A teddy bear is flopping around in the air. What’s happening backstage during the song? New song. Elvis. Elvis would have dated Sarah in a heartbeat.

There are smooth people and there are angular people. Elvis was a smooth person, and he got smoother and smoother with age and fat. Cindy is an angular person. Sarah is a smooth person with an angular demon living in her larynx.

Here’s my facebook blow-by-blow status updates on the RNC:

Nada noted that she said “EYE-ran” and not “Ee-rahn.” 10:54pmComment

Nada wants her to say “cool” at least once. 10:51pmComment

Nada notes that Willow? Piper? keeps messing with the baby, licking her palm to smooth his hair, picking stuff out of his eyes, etc. 10:50pmComment
Nada so far only liked Huckabee, although she doesn’t agree with anything he said. 10:49pmComment

Nada admires the red white and blue feather boa. 10:47pmComment

Nada thought: “Here’s a little nudeflash”??? 10:46pmComment

Nada would like to help Sarah soften some of those vowels. 10:45pmComment

Nada notes they just led a crunchy protester out of the convention hall. 10:44pmComment

Nada : “The difference between a hockey mom and a pitbull? EVOLUTION.” 10:43pmComment

Nada notes that both sides pimp their kids mercilessly. 10:42pmComment
Nada : “Cindy, that dress. What were you thinking?” 10:40pmComment
Nada wonders, is this a joke? 10:38pmComment
Nada thinks Track looks terrified. 10:36pmComment

Nada basically thinks abortion should be mandatory. Enough of the human scourge! 10:35pmComment
Nada is overwhelmed by her dorkiness! 10:34pmComment
Nada basically likes beehives, bouffants, etc., as you might guess. 10:34pmComment
Nada thinks that Sarah Palin looks like she’s wearing a sexy 1960s librarian costume. 10:33pmComment
Nada notes that “change is not a destination and hope is not a strategy” is admittedly a good soundbite. 10:32pmComment

Nada notes that Giuliani just said my name … twice. 10:11pmComment

Nada binaries Manichean duality ugh. 10:04pmComment
Nada feels like worms are crawling up her back when Giuliani does that nasty fake grin. 10:02pmComment

Nada senses that Bristol is diggin’ on the publicity. 10:01pmComment
Nada is a fiscal peacock. 9:56pmComment

Nada irrationally hates CIndy McCain. 9:54pmComment

Nada thinks it looks like a sci-fi eugenics deomstration. Especially when they chant. 9:53pmComment
Nada likes Lingal’s PC pronunciation of Hawai’i (sp?) 9:52pmComment
Nada notes ironic editing on the televising of the RNC. 9:51pmComment

Nada doesn’t understand them at all. 9:49pmComment
Nada notes that Governor Lingal thinks sthat Sarah Palin is “truly authentic.” 9:46pmComment

Nada unlike Sarah Palin has never been crowned Miss anything. 9:44pmComment

Nada wonders why Republicans tend to look so weirdly pasty. Bad diets? 9:43pmComment
Nada didn’t know the governor Hawaii’s name was Linda Lingal, and thinks that sounds more than a little obscene. 9:42pmComment