Uncategorized – Page 35

the join is yep

January 28, 2011 Nada GordonLeave a comment

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animals, balloons, betwixt immoderacy like which candies

considering crazy base rate ewe lamb wallplates

The join is yep

earnestly shillyshally airglow and self conceitedly squaring dodecahedron

Another thanatology or down themed cue

howbeit save uxoricides flab easy, moodily

flower until salt box joylessly since another donkeyman

Heavily trisyllabic make believes

mischievously pantheism is over

but impractical mothers, as studhorses poison confabulation children

bodily bourgeois yep hire purchase friability agin child!

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This eyepiece minus aborigine shall dog hole him

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intolerantly untuneful yeah be wastepipes about jewelry!

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like microcosm fishily million disremembered plaguily blandly crested restlessly

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tho gum love token anyhow

What do they talk about?

January 27, 2011 Nada GordonLeave a comment

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I often wonder what they talk about. I asked him, “Does she know who Jack Smith is?” and he said, “no, but she knows who Matthew Barney is,” as if… as if… one can even mention Jack Smith and Matthew Barney in the same breath. I bet they don’t talk about

The Baron de Rothschild

Tristan Tzara

Language Poetry

Maya Deren

Joe Sacco

V. Shantaram

Dairakudakan

Dan Davidson

Shimokitazawa

K. Silem Mohammad

Lorine Niedecker

Samuel Beckett

Matt Madden

Clark Coolidge

Oulipo

Bernadette Mayer

Pakeezah

Cassavetes

Joe Brainard

Hannah Weiner

Lewis Klahr

Max Ernst

Carolee Schneemann

George Kuchar

Misora Hibari

Sharon Mesmer

Guru Dutt

Frank O’Hara

Drew Gardner

d.a. levy

Rob Fitterman

Philip Whalen

Kathy Acker

Richard Foreman

Asha Bhosle

Song Poems

I could go on and on and on. Really, what do they talk about? Do they just fuck all the time? Or do they talk about Julia Roberts, alcohol, improv, their desk jobs, SE Asia, Japan? I hope they move to Laos together and just get out of my face. Lots of prettier girls available there cheap, though, so she better watch him, with his track history. He could be a kind of ethnomusicologist of pussy.

drab, deep mauve

January 26, 2011 Nada GordonLeave a comment

On the way back from the hospital on Monday I bought a fish, one fish, a sanma (pike mackerel). It cost me 47 cents. How economical it is to live alone! That was tonight’s dinner, with brown rice and miso soup from a packet. The cats hovered annoyingly.

Finished the Horney book. I still haven’t figured myself out entirely (or even remotely), but I have figured out a few other people and that’s interesting.

My apartment is so hot the back of my neck is sweating.

I’m full of love, but afraid to put it anywhere.

Now I have some assignments so I am going to do my assignments. I’m not sure why I needed to tell you that, or for that matter any of this. I’m chatty. I like talking. The snow is in big Seusslike clumps on the hedges, the sky a drab, deep mauve.

rhyming poem

January 25, 2011 Nada GordonLeave a comment

To leave two wives

In pursuit of baser drives

And two sets of cats

Just like that

What a poor cohort

Who offers no support

O big-cheeked damsel –

Unlike me, still menstrual –

With my former mate

Think twice before you propagate

Lest he leave you high and dry

Tending to his infant’s cry

Our Inner Conflicts

January 25, 2011January 7, 2016 Nada Gordon1 Comment

Drew gave me a copy of Karen Horney’s _Our Inner Conflicts_ for my birthday, perhaps for obvious reasons… and one thing I have to say is that I wonder why her name is pronounced “Horn-eye” just as I wonder why the new speaker of the house is “Bay-ner”… I mean come on, these are silly victorianisms; they make one think even harder (pun intended) of the salaciousness of the more logical pronunciations.

In any case, Horney posits three types of neurotic responses; compliance (moving toward others), aggression (moving against others), and detachment (moving away from others). In a neurotic person, one of these modes may be dominant, and others repressed. That repression brings about conflicts.

As with any psych book, reading it I am trying to figure out hmm well which one am I? I am having a hard time with my self-diagnosis. I can figure out pretty easily that Guy A is a compliant type with repressed aggression, that Guy B is a detached type also with repressed aggression, and that Guy C is almost a case study of aggression with some repressed compliance, but it’s a bit harder to diagnose my own neurosis according to her taxonomy (why is it always, I wonder, // three// categories?). We don’t really see our own issues clearly, do we. I imagine that I am also a combo of compliant and aggressive, but in a different ratio than Guy A, and with a quite different presentation. Drew? Nick? Kim? Kim? What do you think?

One notion of Horney’s that I find most fascinating and also most depressing is that we neurotics carry within us an image of our idealized selves that is illusory but based in reality. This depresses me because that means we have a world full of people walking around thinking we are really hot stuff but that’s just a kind of mirage/ coping mechanism and doesn’t really reflect how we really are.

This reminds me of my appt yesterday with my bodyworker. I told her that I’d been feeling a sense of surreality and disconnection, and that I wasn’t at all sure who I was (am) anymore. She asked me when I feel “a sense of connection to my true self” and it’s a good thing I didn’t stop to parse that, because how odd, right, that “I” might be something other than “myself” (let’s just put Rimbaud aside for a moment, shall we?), and how odd also that a “true” self might be something we can be “connected to”, or not. I didn’t think too hard about it, but I did find it hard to answer. Eventually I said

–when I’m performing
–when I’m in connection with others
–when I’m making something

But notice: all of these are about engagement with something other than myself. It follows that whatever I’m experiencing as “true self” is not an independently existing phenomenon, but a relational “being” which therefore isn’t rooted in essential “truth.”

Also it follows that, if this is so, a breakup of a love relationship is about the most uprooting and destabilizing things that can possibly happen to someone like me who conceives of “self” in this relational way. You could tell me a thousand times that the jewel is in the center of the lotus, but I would object that the stems and leaves and roots are all under the murky pond, well-connected to other blossoms in a network of interdependent life, and without that, what is a jewel good for? OK, well, still, shit happens. We are cut, we re-graft, we grow new roots and new connections… but the limbo period…is almost indescribably confusing… and it hurts… like… hell!!!!!!!! (eight exclamation points)

Nemo

January 25, 2011 Nada GordonLeave a comment

is OK. The vet said his teeth were bad, but his blood work was fine.

good news/bad news

January 24, 2011 Nada GordonLeave a comment

The good news is, my jaw is 100% healed. Yay!

Bad news is, I took Nemo to the vet. He hates going to the vet. According to the doctor, it seems he may be OK, since what I saw was digested blood (dark brown) and not fresh blood. He is having bloodwork done; I’ll get the results tomorrow. If he’s OK, and I hope he is, then I will still need to take Dante.

Charge just for Nemo: $184 plus $17 car service RT = $201.

Just saying.