OK, here’s the stuff from the DSM IV (2000), as quoted on Vaknin’s site: (following each is a self-diagnosis)

An all-pervasive pattern of grandiosity (in fantasy or in behaviour), a need for admiration and a marked lack of empathy which starts at early adulthood and is present in a variety of contexts.

At least 5 of the following should be present for a person to be diagnosed as suffering from Narcissistic Personality Disorder:

* Possesses a grandiose sense of self-importance (for example: exaggerates his achievements and his talents, expects his superiority to be recognised without having the commensurate skills or achievements); [OK maybe a little, but so reflexively that I was able to write the line David Hess criticized: “I have an exaggerated sense of my own unimportance.”]

* Pre-occupied with fantasies of unlimited success, power, brilliance and beauty or of ideal love;[“Preoccupied with” — no. “Unlimited” –no. I plead somewhat guilty to the last fantasy.]

* Believes that he is unique and special and that only high status and special people (or institutions) could understand him (or that it is only with such people and institutions that it is worth his while to be associated with);

[“unique and special” — sure — like everyone else! “high status” — fuck no. “special people and institutions” — yes. definitely.]

* Demands excessive and exceptional admiration;[Not “demands” but desires. Not “excessive”/ maybe “exceptional”.]

* Feels that he is deserving of exceptionally good treatment, automatic obeisance of his (usually unrealistic) expectations;[I don’t know about “automatic” — that is, I don’t mind being a little pushy about it. Actually, this sounds more like my grandmother, Geri Goldberg, or “glamour gramma” as I called her, who was a Jewish-American QUEEN. ]

* Exploitative in his interpersonal relationships, uses others to achieve his goals; [I really do not think so, but correct me if I am wrong. Gary helps me to achieve my goals but I don’t think I USE him — he volunteers.]

* Lacks empathy: is disinterested in other people’s needs and emotions and does not identify with them;[Hogwash, absolutely not.]

* Envies others or believes that others envy him;[Yes.]

* Displays arrogance and haughtiness. [OK. maybe a little]

Conclusion: narcissistic traits are present, but there is no DISORDER as such. But the jury’s still out on this one.