I spoke too soon about Curtis. That night was amazing… but he doesn’t want what I thought he wanted. I guess the whole “Wait to have sex thing” is pretty true. But he thought we were both still on the “We both just want sex” side of things.. but I had totally crossed over SO quickly he didn’t see it as far as me wanting more.

But at this point all he wants is sex. And while I understand that.. it doesn’t hurt any less.

And he told me that he doesn’t want a long distance relationship, at ALL.. no matter how we feel about each other at the end of summer.. is kind of the impression I got. and I just really wanna die right now. 😥

I won’t do anything, but GOD I hate feeling like this. I hate being this sad… I hate not liking myself… but I hate the way I feel inside. I just hate it all tonight.

We’ve known each other for a fucking week and it’s totally fucked me up. Why do I always do this with guys? Why can’t I just slow down emotionally? Whether or not we had sex when we did, I would have been this attached already… so that’s not what it was.. but it makes it so hard knowing that what felt SO great might not happen again. And that I might not find someone else that makes my body feel that good.

I just really fucking hate myself right now.