Can we talk about something important for a moment?

I am a little over 45.5 years old and my eyes aren’t working properly. I need progressives. I hate wearing glasses because I am vain, but now it is time, I’m afraid, to bite the bullet. I spent at least an hour trying on every frame at my optometrist’s office, after having had a very interesting conversation with him about early punk rock. I narrowed my choices down to these three, and I would really appreciate your input. Which should I get?

This pair resembles a pair of reading glasses I bought for 99 cents and on which I have received compliments. I think that with my hair side-parted and held with a barette and these frames I would look like someone about to be put on a train to Dachau. I mean that in the best possible way; they have that 30s in Berlin kind of vibe.

Choice A:

This is the pair I’m afraid I like the best, but are they just too outrageously dorky? Devo glasses. The woman who worked the front desk at the eye doctor’s said, “They’re too big for your face, but you might be able to get away with them.” To me, they say “well below 14th St.”

Choice B:

And then there’s these, which seem to me like a kind of compromise between the two:

Choice C:

What do you think? A, B, or C? Or none of the above? I would really appreciate your comments.


OK, wait, there are two other possibilities: glasses I already own.

I think these are cool: REAL vintage. But Gary says I look like an old lady in them (isn’t that sort of the point?):

Choice D:

and then these, which I like, but I’m not sure they are big enough for progressive lenses:

Choice E:

I know I’m awfully flushed and sweaty here, but it’s like 90 degrees in my room at the moment

30 thoughts on “Can we talk about something important for a moment?

  1. None of these three really jumps out at me and says “perfect!”, but my preference would be #3β€”er, I mean C. Of course that might just be the Goldilocks Effect (the compromise you alluded to).

    I think you could go with something even more rectangular and narrow than 3, I mean C. That is, if you don't mind having your field of vision slightly limited. (Sounds bad, I know, but you get used to it.)

    I do like the color and frame-thickness of #B.

    I've been wearing glasses since I was about 6, and I can't see clearly anything further away than 6 inches without them, but I like wearing them, because it really does make you look smart. Even if laser eye surgery were cost- and risk-free, I wouldn't get it….

  2. C!

    A is too old lady for you.

    B is too old man.

    And you could never look smarter than you are, for no look could exceed your intelligence! In any case, you will look smarter when you remove the stickers from the specs. . .

  3. Um, E! We are at precisely the same moment, Nada. I made the mistake of not getting progressives and now am constantly changing from the distance to the reading…the in between is the computer.

    Oh, and I highly recommend the kind that change to sunglasses…very convenient.

  4. Jeffrey, thanks for your nice remark. Gary points out that in the first three pictures, I am wearing my hair back in a way I literally never do, (I mean, ponytails? What was I thinking?)and the odd robotic grin on my face doesn't really look anything like the way I do normally as I scowl my way through the world. So those pics may have skewed the results.

    I remember my first boyfriend telling me that “really beautiful people can wear any glasses they want, but you're not all that beautiful.” I love men.

    One point to consider, though: should glasses be sort of “invisible” and “harmonious”? Or if one wears glasses, should one really, you know, WEAR GLASSES?

    We can extrapolate this to other areas of aesthetics, of course.

    OK, I gotta go give an exam.

  5. A good friend of mine (who is making me a sage green Cthulu-eque squid-face balaclava for my birthday – Yay!) has amazing coke-bottle cliche nerd glasses, and they are really hot.

  6. E would likely put your at some degree of peace and concurrently dazzle 95% of fans. I had a professor who said (quoting another maven of thought):”the majority is always wrong.”

    Lovely in E, although of course the little bit of decor on the lens of the A frame (homey?) does offer its enchantments.

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