Pepper Spray Cop

Pepper spray cop, pepper spray cop, where have you been?
I’ve been to the murky depths of human behavior to pepperspray
the Queen of Sunshine and her seven little ShiTzu puppies, that’s
where I’ve been.

First there was Oakland Riot Kitty, now there’s Pepper Spray Cop!

Pepper spray cop, pepper spray cop, you are a meme!
Yes, I just casually pepper spray everything: Queens, ShihTzus,
Jesus, family groups, constricting snakes, drool, suitcases,
things to hang hats on, some Halloween
costumes, parts of galaxies, hive dwellers, and no-goodnik
protesters whose pretty eyes get in the way of my pepper
spray.  I casually pepper spray everything.  I’m the pepper
spray cop!  Don’t mind me. I’m just watering my hippies.

I hear pepper spray is good for the sinuses. By the nineteenth
century,police rubbed pepper in victims’ eyes or packed chili
powder in their nostrils.  In the West Indies, British owners
rubbed pepper into the eyes if slaves dozed at work.  In applying
irritants, most modern torturer avoid the eyes, preferring to
insert irritants into the nostrils, anus, or vagina.  In the last
four decades, prisoners have reported this kind of pepper torture
in India, Pakistan, Sri Lanka, Greece, Somalia, and Tanzania.
In 2003, American soldiers applied pepper to the eyes of one prisoner
at Abu Ghraib. Advances in pumping technology now allow torturers
to apply mace, pepper spray, or tear gas directly into keyholes
or the mouth or face of prisoners. I didn’t mean to spray those women,
but I’d do it again.

There’s pineapple torture, lemon torture, coconut torture,
pepper torture, torture soup, torture stew, torture salad,
torture and potatoes, torture burger, torture sandwich.
That–that’s about it.

Aww yeah I’m just the pepper spray cop getting
the bitches wet. I’m a fatty donut eater with a
wifebeater ‘stache. I’ll squirt the Internet
in the eye. I’m a pepper spray cop pimp!
I inspire art mash. I am where dandruff
accumulates. Dull cry of panic. May the
excessive force be with you!